I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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