you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
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Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
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Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize