you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
