My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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