I didn't shave. On purpose
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
