I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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