So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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