I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
