you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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