Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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