dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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