yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
