Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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