And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
