tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
