I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
