so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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