i just had sex bonerless
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
