I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
