eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
