Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
