our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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