my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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