Say something about gay babies.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
