false alarm. still invincible.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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