I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
