we have pet lesbian snakes
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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