dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
