Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
