And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
