you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
