wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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