last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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