we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
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She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
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First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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