Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
