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I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
