i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
