Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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