I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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