at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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