So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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