we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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