Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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