"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
