i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize