my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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