the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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