I got chris browned last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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