Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
sarcasm needs its own font
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
