Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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