Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
