his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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