sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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