I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
