I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
