I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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