i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize