She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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