My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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