he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
