It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
