i need an iv and a liver transplant
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just high enough for therapy.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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