your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
