Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
wat bout pragnant strippers??
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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