and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i wish my penis had a tongue
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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