She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
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Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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