If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Watching her eat just hurts me
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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