her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think a kid would responsible me up
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So apparently I’m into choking now
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