is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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