Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
