I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
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I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
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Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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